However good we are at our jobs, however far up the ladder we’ve climbed, we all experience failure in our careers.  Every successful person has had failures. They may not draw attention to those setbacks and their eventual success is all that we see. However, no one who scales the heights has got there without some lows.

It’s a part of even the world’s most successful entrepreneurs’ journeys to success. Take Nick Jones, the founder of Soho House. It’s now the most successful private member’s club in the world. So cool that they’ve had to close applications for membership and there’s a rumoured 3 year wait list.

What many people do not know is that 30 years ago Nick Jones had a failed restaurant called, ‘Over the Top’ that shut with great losses. When I interviewed him for my book, ‘The 7 Rules of Success’ he spoke of how he had to borrow money to keep going and made a trip to Paris to study successful cafes in the capital.

He returned and opened ‘Café Boheme’ in Soho, applying everything he’d just seen in Paris. A few years later he took over the empty rooms above and that became the first Soho House.

It’s how we cope with failure that could be the difference between our ultimate success or failure. So how can we learn to handle setbacks move on from disappointment?

1. Re-frame failure as feedback

The attitude you take over your perceived failure will set you up to recover and move on or to suffer and stay stuck. Turning blame around requires a shift in thinking about the situation, moving from seeing it as ‘failure’ to ‘feedback.’

Thomas Edison, inventor of the electric light bulb, famously said, ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.’ Lighten up about ‘failure.’ It’s part of the process!

Ask yourself:

• What have I learnt from the situation?
• What is my big ‘take-away’ from this experience that I can share with others?
• What did I learn that I could not have learnt in any other way?

2. Don’t label yourself ‘a failure’

Studies show that if we make failure personal and take on the identity of someone who is ‘a failure,’ we make it harder to bounce back. It’s as though we condemn ourselves and live out our lives as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

YOU are not a failure. There may be events that you wish had worked out differently, but you are not a failure.

• Choose a label that works for you in a productive way.
• Could you label yourself as ‘determined’ ‘driven’ or ‘passionate’?
• Pin something on you that feels positive, lifts your spirit and motivates you.
• Balance those events with events that did work out.
• Each time you see something that hasn’t worked, turn your attention to something that has, so you train yourself to be balanced and fair in the way that you think.

3. Rebuild your confidence

Confidence is a fragile thing and it is most fragile after failure. It’s a critical time that could see you step back in self-doubt. How you handle this could be the difference in having the success you want or giving up.

If a crisis of confidence strikes after failure, this simple exercise can help. Maxwell Maltz wrote the seminal book on identity, ‘Psycho-Cybernetics’ and concluded, “your most important sale in life is to sell yourself to yourself.’ After failure, you have to re-build your confidence and sell yourself to yourself again.

You might have experienced one failure – but what about all your past successes? Every time your confidence needs an upgrade, take pen and paper, envision your goal – whether it’s founding a successful business or getting a promotion – and write out the sentence:

Reasons Why I Am Uniquely Qualified To Do X

Your mind will start searching for evidence to prove your point. You’re looking for substance, not spin, specific situations and results that demonstrate why you can achieve your goal. Repeat, ‘I can do it’. You’re building conviction and certainty from within.

As Henry Ford said, ‘whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.’ In other words, your mind is a weapon that can be used for or against you, to weaken or strengthen you. Your belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Back yourself!

4. Persevere

If you’re on the right path for you, persevere. Boost your motivation with self-talk. How you speak to yourself is proven to spur you on or demoralise you and keep you stuck. Try this simple exercise:

• Stop the negative thought. You can do this ‘thought stopping’ technique visually — by imagining the thought being stopped or squashed etc — or by having a little ritual.
• Replace the thought with a neutral or positive thought. Ask yourself — what is a more helpful thought?
• Recall your decision to think positively by wearing a bracelet or ribbon around your right wrist as a visual reminder of your decision!
• Quite simply, repeat, ‘I can do this.’ You’ll be amazed how it will work.

Remember, you can’t fail if you never give up!

Fiona Harrold is a top executive coach, business mentor, consultant and author of Be Your Own Life Coach (Hodder).