It's better to regret what you have done than what you haven't.
We are asked from a young age, what do you want to be when you grow up? We're encouraged to think about it, visualise it, and dream it.
Yet, in the subsequent years, those dreams are often removed from us because of the limiting messages expressed by the very same people who got you dreaming in the first place. It’s pervasive in society, family, peers. You have to be, say and do only what is expected from us by something external than by our own inner self.
The years pass and we become acclimatised by the requirement to conform.
There’s nothing wrong in conforming when it comes to respecting others in the name of living harmoniously, but do you have to ruin your own dreams, wants and needs in order to do so? Definitely not. You can do both.
My code for living is “Cojones”, being ballsy shows us why and how we can do it. I believe anyone who has done anything has this quality. It enables them to transcend the limiting messages of external voices, and their own limiting voice to achieve an aim they have set, or a dream they wanted to realise.
Part of this code are “Ten Commandments” which provide a spine of how to live authentically, unapologetically and to feel free and go against the norm. One of these is: “Fear no-one, approach anyone”.
In this world, we cannot do things alone. We will inevitably want advice, financial support, or to sell something an idea, product or service. As a matter of course, you will need to speak to others, including people you may not even know.
A daunting task for some, who feel so self-conscious or inferior to others, you could say they do not have the Cojones to do so.
But, why? We all came from the same place and end up in the same place. We all bleed when cut and no one is better or worse than anyone. These are facts, regardless of whether you believe the media who can give the perception that some people are better because they may be richer, more talented in some things, more beautiful, etc.
Imagine if the perception of image was not there and no one could even have a perception of someone else’s so-called worth. Yes, imagine that, a world, where no pre-conceived ideas of who is better than others existed. Most, if not all, of our fears about approaching anyone will be gone.
You want to speak to the CEO of a big company about hiring you, you want to speak to that attractive girl you’d like to get to know, or whoever it may be then fear wouldn’t be there to deter you, as their ‘value’, as a product of perception, will also not be there.
Once you well and truly understand that we are all the same, you will not be afraid to approach someone and ask for what you want.
Ever heard of the saying – If you don’t ask the answer is always no? Yet, people still F.E.A.R.
I lay out the word that way, because Fear is often interpreted as False Expectation Appearing Real. Appearing being the important word, because appearing is about perception and is only built up in our own mind. This perception of worth because of so called beauty, talent, wealth, power etc.
Whilst most perception is created by messages from the outside, it is us who use that perception wrongly.
Banish any kind of perception, which as highlighted, is erroneous by nature, and then you don’t even need balls to approach anyone, because it is only perception that creates the FEAR in the first place.
We all grow up with all these dreams of what we want, and they are banished by all the messages we’ve taken on that says we can’t do, be or say something because of perception.
People are so frustrated, now more than ever, and much of this has to be down to our own individual built-up frustration and anger with ourselves, for not doing saying or being what WE want to.
If everyone was more authentic, lived life according to their innate wants and self, then individually we’d be happier and more fulfilled, and therefore collectively less frustrated and angry.
You can’t change the world, but you can change yourself. People are demanding to take back control of their lives, so be bold, be audacious and go for what you want.
Just remember, in the future, you will regret more what you didn’t do, than what you did, so have a damn crack. Fear no one, push aside society’s and your own perceptions and have proper go!
Keith Fraser is the founder and pioneer of the Cojones, the cheeky yet profound code for living successfully and authentically. He is also a Master Practitioner of NLP as well as an exponent of Transactional Analysis (TA).
Keith is the host of Cojones TV, where he has interviewed Arsene Wenger, Ross Kemp, Sarah Willingham and Alastair Campbell to name but a few. Keith’s new book “Cojones – Grow a Pair for Success!” shows readers how they can live more boldly and audaciously.
Here Is Why You Should Fear No-One And Go For It