When I was younger, I thought charisma was about displaying ‘extroverted’ character traits while receiving attention and accolades. Whilst I honour my younger self for doing the best he could, I’m very grateful that my definition of charisma has changed.

I now believe that charisma is something everyone possesses. It’s the ability to make other people feel significant in your presence. You don’t become charismatic because you were already born charismatic. Every single one of us has this innate superpower; we just need to unearth it.

Here’s the million-dollar question: how do you make others feel like they matter when they’re around you without feeling contrived, inauthentic or overly engineered?

1. Share a vulnerable personal story

When you tell a vulnerable personal story, not only do you humanise yourself, but you create the connective tissue required to form a meaningful bond with your audience or conversation partner.

The question is, how? Here are five simple steps:

1. Introduce the main character (aka you), the setting, and their big desire.
2. Create tension in your story by inserting a relatable villain.
3. Show the “aha” moment that changed everything.
4. End with a transformation that shows you going from pain to glory.
5. End with the following phrase: “Here’s why this matters to you…” and connect the core message of your story to their big problem. This is to ensure relevancy in a business context.

Keep it simple, keep it short, and remember—you get to decide your definition of vulnerability. There’s a difference between “personal” stories and “private” ones. Ensure you share stories that you’ve processed and have tangible learnings from to avoid a vulnerability hangover. Do this right and you’ll make somebody feel significant in your presence, spark connection and ensure they feel deeply understood.

2. Acknowledge others for their gifts

According to Professor Norihiro Sadato, the study lead and professor at The National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan, when we receive a compliment, it activates the same part of our brain (the striatum) that lights up when we receive a financial reward. Do this right, and you’ll inspire someone to express themselves unapologetically, remove their mask and own their gifts.

For example, it’s 3 minutes into your weekly all-hands meeting, and you decide to acknowledge Erica for something you observed yesterday. “Erica, the way you handled that difficult conversation yesterday with our latest partner was incredible. You didn’t raise your voice, interrupt them or shove your opinion down their throat. Instead, you deeply listened, asked intentional questions and spoke in a warm tone. Would you be open to teaching the team next week exactly what you did and how you did it?”

This public recognition reinforces this behaviour at scale and secretly tells your team that you value trust-centric communication. The above compliment is far more impactful than a simple, “Erica, great job on yesterday’s partner onboarding call!” Whilst this is well intentioned, it lacks authenticity, specificity and impact. If you want to make others feel like they matter, acknowledge others for their genius and watch the magic unfold.

3. Deeply listening

You may have heard of “active listening,” a concept introduced by Carl Rogers and Richard Farson back in 1957. They described it as a tool that “requires that we get inside the speaker, that we grasp, from their point of view, just what it is they are communicating to us. More than that, we must convey to the speaker that we are seeing things from their point of view.” Rogers and Farson believed that those on the receiving end of this kind of listening cultivate emotional maturity, become less defensive, and develop better self-awareness.

Let’s walk through an example. You’re in a 1:1 meeting with your newest hire. Halfway through the conversation, you say: “Natalie, I hear you. It sounds like imposter syndrome is the issue, and you’re worried about not hitting the ground running in your new role.”

Whilst you embodied active listening and everything sounds great on paper, here’s the unwanted truth: Natalie heard your words, but she doesn’t feel that you’ve truly empathized with her experience. Thus, you don’t make her feel like she matters in your presence.

Allow me to introduce you to deep listening. In this case, you go beyond listening to the spoken word; you go within and listen to yourself, tuning into the energetic signals you’re receiving from the person in front of you.

For example: “Natalie, I can feel the nerves in your energy, and I get the sense that everything seems overwhelming right now. On one hand, it sounds like you’re excited about the challenge ahead; on the other, you feel like you’re not worthy of this role. Given you’ve never felt this way before, I know this must be extremely challenging for you. Just know we deeply believe in you. What do you feel needs to happen for you to feel confident again?”

See the difference? Here, you’re empathising with Natalie’s experience, describing the energy you’re sensing, and tapping into your intuition. Active listening is your starting point, but deep listening is where long-lasting impact lies. In practice, this will help you build a trusted relationship with your new hire.

Remember, charisma has nothing to do with making the moments that matter about you. Instead, it’s about focusing on the human being opposite you and behaving in a way that’s congruent with making them feel significant in your presence; that’s when you embody true charisma.

Ravi Rajani is a global keynote speaker, communication expert, and the author of Relationship Currency: Five Communication Habits for Limitless Influence and Business Success